Recently I was reviewing my transcripts, and upon further investigation at the school's website, I discovered that I had listed an honor incorrectly, identifying it as being higher than it actually was. ("Translating" the honor to a more well-known division.) Of course, with pride, even though I realized that it was incorrect and fixed it, I was dismayed that I couldn't say I was as good as I thought I was, despite the fact that the honor doesn't mean so much when it and the "education" I received is measured against true knowledge and wisdom. It was still deflating to the ego.

I could explain (excuse?) my failure to do better by arguing that college education is mostly about memorization. I did not do so well in certain courses because the material was obscure (in the sense of not being about things obvious to the senses), and I was looking for true science instead of dogmatics, even if the examinations questioned causal relationships, but mostly based on the student's knowledge of a-->b relationships.

Imagination should not rely on its own creation based on textbooks -- it needs something more real than that for true science to develop in the student, direct contact with the reality being studied, ideally in themselves and if that is not possible, then through their effects.

Good grades isn't merely an effort of the will, then; it requires a certain kind of student with their faculties disposed to certain acts. I can look back to my undergraduate years and see that my intellectual awakening took place; it is just unfortunate that it took place in an environment that was not really conducive to using it to further the education of the student. What would my reaction be if I read my old textbooks? Laughter. What if i looked at my undergrad papers in philosophy? Laughter, definitely.

What undergraduate would be brave enough to study the "philosophy" of science and use that as a basis for asking questions of his science professors? Some might be keen on having that sort of discussion, but what option would they have but to still require that the student memorize the material at hand and be able to use it in answering exam questions?

The masculine drive to excel, how is that to be tempered by Christian humility? It originates in acknowledging the source of one's ability and one's calling. Can competition with other males ever be eliminated, though? No, but pride can be removed so that competition fulfills the function of determining hierarchy and merit. Instead of seeking self-glory in besting others, the Christian desires to cultivate his abilities for the love and glory of God, and to better serve his neighbor.