Pedestalizing?

A reader of The Thinking Housewife submits this post to her blog:

A few days ago, I visited What Women Never Hear and found an interesting list of posts on the power and significance of virtues in girls and women, how masculinity is dependent on the exploitation of feminine virtue and how the lack of virtue in a female makes her an empty shell for a man. I was immediately reminded of Rabindranath Tagore’s wonderfully touching poem that he dedicated to his muse and mentor, his sister-in-law Kadambari. The first time I read this poem next to the picture of this beautifully feminine woman in a Tagore memorabilia museum, I had tears in my eyes.


I have made you the pole star of my life,
I shall never lose my way in this sea.
Wherever I go,You always shine in my view
And shed light from your anxious eyes.
Secretly in my mind,Your image is always alive
I lose my mind,When I lose your sight.
When my heart wants to stray, Along a wrong way
Your remembrance fills it with shame.


What more is there to say on the impact that a virtuous girl and woman has on a man? And on society as whole! Yes, all world religions demand sacrifices of the female sex. Yes, they hold up different standards. Because the virtues of a man never affect a woman’s femininity the way a woman’s virtues have command over a man’s masculinity. A virtuous girl forces a young male to be a man rather than a boy. Maybe this is why we have an epidemic of man-boys.


I am always astounded at how Tagore knew so well the dynamics of love and sexuality.

This is similar to the soft power that Dr. Laura claims women have over men. Can a woman control a man because of his desire for her? Undoubtedly, but the same can happen in the opposite direction. (Book of Genesis, consequences of the fall!) Who tames males and civilizes them? Some would have us belief that this is the job of women, but I've long since changed my view on this -- it is men who raise men, not women. Some men may change temporarily in order to get the girl, but how many of them lapse into their old ways once they are married? But the virtuous man seeks to please God and himself accordingly, and to find a woman who will respect him accordingly.

Men do seek to please their women; some to avoid nastiness, others because they want to keep her affection. Some do it out of love. Only one of these can be reconciled with maintaining the proper frame.

Out with one Laura, in with another

On the local radio station, at least -- Dr. Laura has been replaced by Laura Ingraham. Nothing outstanding on "conservative" radio here in the Bay Area, unless someone decides to put on an unusual guest, like Gerald Celente.

Dr. Laura hasn't ended her show -- she's just moved it to Sirius XM.

A word or two on Dr. Laura

As Dr. Laura will soon be leaving the airwaves, I thought I should hurry and finish jotting some reactions down to the advice she has given to young women, and her thoughts on relationships in which there is a large age disparity between the man and woman.

Dr. Laura encourages women (and, to be fair, men as well) to postpone marrying until their late 20s -- she says they still growing and in the process of becoming an adult... she also uses divorce statistics to advising women to postpone marriage until they are older, encouraging them to get an education, to learn about themselves, and so on.

She has also advised that older men should be looking for women closer in age. She has criticized older men who look for a much younger woman as being immature, need woman who are also immature so they can manipulate/control. With a big age disparity (a man in his late 30s dating a woman in her 20s), she says that the man and the woman are in different points of their life journeys. But what does that mean, really? What is more important for a marriage to be successful? Their life experiences or the relative virtues of the man and the woman and what they will do to promote the well-being of the marriage? She understands that a woman may seek an older man because she feels more of a woman, and in an older man she can find a boyfriend and a father figure. But is it so wrong that a wife should look to her husband for counsel? It seems to me that while Dr. Laura acknowledges some sex differences, she seems to be missing others and may even be promoting a false notion of female autonomy and maturity.

Might it be the case that besides greater attraction, there are good reasons for men to look for a women who is still in her 20s? Fertility is one concern, and that is a factor behind physical attraction. As she is dealing primarily with an American audience, should she not address the question of why women in their 30s might still be single? How many of them divorced or have had previous relationships involving physical intimacy? How many women in their 30s are still a maid? Why should an older man, especially one who has been a beta and rejected by women while he was in his 20s, settle for a woman who has had a lot of sexual partners and is now desperate for a long-term committed relationship? (I accept this complaint by men on various websites to be true and not unjustified.)  Moreover, a younger woman is more likely to be adaptable and docile to a man than someone who is older, a feminist, or has had a lot of bad relationships. Marriages in which there was a significant age difference were very common in the past.

Dr. Laura seems to be subscribing to some notion of companionate marriage as the ideal. But is it possible that her recommendations are colored by her own life experiences, and the amount of time it took for her to mature? (The transition from being a feminist to being an "anti-feminist" may not have been the only significant psychological change.)

She often claims that a woman holds the power in the family, though she is not the nominal head of the household. How so? Because women have a great influence on family life -- their emotions can dictate the mood of the family, and she can make the family feel good or miserable. In that respect, I agree -- a wife and mother will have a great impact on the emotional state of everyone else. The role of nuturer is proper to the woman. While Dr. Laura has acknowledged that the husband should be the head, sometimes I get the impression that this is may not be complete as she has at least on one occasion advised a woman to not be petty by fighting to have her way. Maybe she was just being tactful that time.

One rarely sees women asserting their emotions in period pieces -- is the indulgence in personal drama a recent phenomenon?

Update on Dr. Laura

CNN: Dr. Laura to end her radio show (via Drudge)

Los Angeles, California (CNN) -- Embattled radio talk-show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger announced Tuesday she will not renew her contract that is up at the end of the year, telling CNN's "Larry King Live" she wants to "regain my First Amendment rights."

Dr. Laura leaving radio?

According to Richard Spencer in Dr. Laura: Self-Censoring Truth Teller. Apparently she used the "n word" to make a point in her argument with a caller. So I had to check her website. Her apology on her blog and the audio file of the apology from her show, and her most recent blog post on the mater: What I've Learned From the Events of the Past Week. I haven't found any confirmation that she is ending her radio show.

Gavin McInnes: a cruder Dr. Laura? (Warning! Profanity in the title of his piece.) He makes many of the same points that she does with regards to how selfish it is for single women to deliberately plan to have a child alone, believing that a father is extraneous.

Dr. Laura on the Sarah Palin nomination

Sarah Palin and Motherhood
It surely won't win her more fans among feminists...

Hrm, Dr. Laura has been using the resume analogy a lot recently to describe the choices people make regarding relationships, and how it reflects on them. It does work, I think, to consider how one's actions reflect one's character, and how others would perceive them if they were to learn of them.

People mistake her 'tough talk' for meanness... but as the Philosopher pointed out, some people need that sort of 'brutal' honesty in order to wake up. But some remain in denial, no matter how the truth is presented.

Some guy gave the following excuses to get out of an engagement: "It's hard to commit, I have trust issues, I don't know if I want children, I like to be alone sometimes, I can't handle the drama..." Is there anything he left out? Dr. Laura did praise him though for realizing he couldn't handle marriage and putting an end to it.

From Boundless: It's My Fault by David Barshinger
When we call sin what it really is, we can embrace truth, and life can spring again.

Dr. Laura discourages callers from marrying young, usually by citing statistics on divorce rates, and then talking about how young people in their late teens and early 20s still need to grow up and find out who they are, before they can be ready for marriage. What might this mean? Marriage should not be an escape for people, especially women, who don't know what to do with their lives. Nor should it be a way of finding some sort of emotional security that is lacking due to poor relationships in the past, including a bad relationship with their father. Is Dr. Laura encouraging a sort of individualism with her advice? Or is she just acting the part of a value-neutral psychologist or counselor, and not giving moral advice or vocational guidance? Young people do need to sort out their desires, which may be conflicting--they need to prioritize, harmonize and reconcile their desires into some sort of coherent life-plan. Dr. Laura will encourage those who think they want to get married to put children first and plan accordingly, but she doesn't give much more guidance beyond that. What is missing is an emphasis on community and social obligations. Rather, it is advice geared to those living in America as it is currently and want to maintain the American way of life. Hence, those who are secure in their vocation and identity only need to worry about finding the right spouse--their youthfulness is not a problem, since they have already attained some measure of maturity.

Recently, I have heard her say that [most] people will not be ready for marriage until they are 28 or 29. Perhaps that is an accurate observation of American young adults. But does her encouragement of young people to discover who they are lend itself to an extreme, and undermine her opposition to [radical] feminism? Might not the American individualism and radical feminism share some common assumptions about how life should be lived? Dr. Laura does think that what really matters in life is loving and giving to others, but does one really need 8, 9, 10 years in order to know one's self in this way? Gaining emotional and character stability so that one can love others well shouldn't require that much time. But she does seem to think that people should try out different activities and see what their interests are. To an extent this is necessary for fleshing out one's vocation, but too often experimentation covers up indecision and a lack of resolve. It can potentially reinforce a failure to recognize one's limitations. (Though of these too Dr. Laura tries to make callers aware.)

If instead one concentrates on fleshing out one's vocation, anxieties about what kind of job one should get and so on should be lessened, since it will be shown to be of secondary importance for most people. After all, given the current political economy, most work will not be that fulfilling. The acquisition of the sort of interests and hobbies and leisurely activities, as well as domestic skills, that people need to be prepared for married life should begin when one is still an adolescent. One needs a certain kind of independence from one's parents in order to become a mature adult, but this needs to be balanced against one's obligations to others. Otherwise, I can see how Dr. Laura's advice could be [mis-?]construed to give support to adultlescence, in the name of fostering 'independence' and 'identity-seeking'.

Dr. Laura, Home-schooling Does Not Hamper Socialization

A note on Dr. Laura

While I may agree with most of her advice regarding relationships, whether it be between spouses or family or friends (the exceptions being mostly with regards to sexual morality), I do think that she should probably avoid discussing political questions and matters pertaining to political science. (Especially when it comes to vocational advice... I would not be so definitive. While it is important to make a living in order to support one's self and one's family, that is not the only consideration.)

As for her guidelines regarding how close one should live to one's parents and so on... I leave that for another post.

Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls

Recommended by Dr. Laura. Official website for the book. Carol Libeau's blog.
Carol Platt Liebau: Prude Debuts!
Townhall.com::How Our Sex-Obsessed Culture is Hurting Young Women ...

The Books: Prude by Carol Platt Liebau

Delayed maturity

After hearing some of her commentary, I do think Dr. Laura does recognize that young adults are maturing much much later, and this is the reason why she does not recommend they get married when young, not simply because she is following the data on divorce.

Dr. Laura reacts to Leslie Bennetts's The Feminine Mistake. I saw this book when I was at Borders last week and read the back cover and part of the intro; you could guess what my reaction was... I should take another look so I can write something more substantial about it, but no time!

Dr. Laura, Sex as a Commodity

"Sex as a Commodity"

Dr. Laura on mandatory HPV vaccination

her blog entry