Over at Chronicles, someone in response to my query about books on etiquette and civility wrote:

I’ve dabbled around a good bit in books on manners, etiquette, and the like, hoping to find some good treatments of the subjects for my young daughter (my mother–the epitome of everything that is good in the Southern lady, and from whom I had hoped my daughter would imbibe these things first-hand–having tragically died while my daughter was quite young, thus depriving us of the best possible source of learning these things). I have not been terribly interested in the Post/Baldridge/ et al. cyclopedia approaches (how to set the table and arrange your guests ,and which forks and spoons to use when and how, which glasses for the reds, whites, burgundies, etc., is pretty ubiquitously available, in as little or much detail as one might desire) but rather in deeper treatments of the underlying elements of gentlemanly and gentlewomanly character and conduct. Here are a few items I’ve run across that I think are good treatments in various respects, that I think you or anyone might find of interest more broadly as well:

A Book of Couretsy, by Sister Mary Mercedes;

Social Graces, by Platz and Wales;

Better Than Beauty: A Guide to Charm;

Choosing Civility, by PM Forni;

The Rise and Fall of the Plantation South, by Raimondo Luraghi;

Recollections and Letters of Robert E. Lee (several different editions available);

Lanterns on the Levee, by William Percy;

“Manners for Men” and “Manners for Women”, by “Mrs. Humphrey”

A Book of Courtesy is by a Dominican nun. (I think I'll look for an original edition first.) Choosing Civility was mentioned in this post.