Friday, March 12, 2010

Children in need of affirmation from fathers.

A reader of The Thinking Housewife writes:

My husband has been a Christian father for the last 25 years. He did Boy Scouts with our son and coached recreational soccer for our 3 girls. As such, he became very familiar with mothered-only children and the hungry look on fatherless children’s faces is something we have seen many times. In fact, even before we looked at the registration sheets for each child on our soccer teams we could tell which had intact families. It was particularly evident coaching a team of girls. The fatherless girls were constantly seeking physical attention from my husband. They’d throw themselves on his back, offer him hugs, look to him for approval every time they were successful with a task, “flirt” with him, etc. The two times I coached a team (he could only handle one team at a time so a couple of years he coached an older child and I took the younger one’s team) none of the girls behaved this way. He experienced much emotional conflict because to reject a child seeking affection is a terrible thing, but it would have been dangerous for him to give these girls what they needed. Our daughters never behaved this way with other men and the fathered daughters on his teams didn’t either. We never had to tell them not to – they just didn’t. They sought their daddy for affection, he gave it to them, so it never occurred to them to look to another man for it. In fact, they have a built-in radar about men who become too attentive and will mention immediately how creepy it is. Even if a man wants to try to fill the father hole in an unrelated child our culture has made it impossible – there’s too much sexual suspicion of men.

One can see this with school children in San Jose more than in cities like Santa Clara or Cupertino.

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