by Carolyn McCulley
Biblical Dating: Are You Ready to Date?
by Scott Croft
BA: Courtship and Group Dynamics
by John Thomas
You see, by having set out to do things "right" in terms of having Godly relationships outside courtship and dating, you and your friends have created exactly the environment which leads to interest and affection, because with emotional bonds come emotional affection and soon the heart is off and running, despite all the efforts to the contrary. This is not a bad thing at all, unless individuals naively believe this won't happen or don't want it to happen.
Here's what I really want you to understand: A "group" made up of marriage-minded singles of the opposite sex is by its very nature fluid, and whatever its current form is, it is temporary. God put a longing in us for couple-hood, and we will keep moving towards that, no matter the disruption of our other associations. That is quite literally part of the cross you bear as a group of opposite sex singles: You will fluctuate as a group. You just can't "hang out" forever. If sustaining "the group" unaltered is a high priority, you are going to be frustrated and disappointed.
You need a paradigm shift of your view of the purpose of "the group." Don't view the group as a glassy pond of water where things should stay pretty much calm and the view should remain the same. View the group as a stream, where water is coming in and going out and currents and shores and landscapes change. People grow out of one season and into another. This is right and good.
The group dynamic will be altered when couples successfully pair off, and it will be altered when it doesn't work out. Sustaining the group "dynamic" is not the important thing. In fact, sustaining the group itself is not the most important thing. What matters most is the hearts of individuals. God doesn't see things in terms of small groups of friends, per se, but in terms of individual hearts. So the "group" gets wobbled. That's all right. What is most important is that individual people are still treated with respect and love and reached out to. That's what matters. This will take intentional effort on the part of other members of the group.
When it doesn't work out, you might lessen the pain and mess a little bit by remaining warm and welcoming to both parties, not allow any "bashing" of either person by anyone, don't take sides, and be intentional about reaching out to them. That's really all you can do. If someone remains bitter, angry, hurt, or un-forgiving, then healing needs to be sought after. But if individuals choose on their own to quit "hanging out" with the group merely because it feels awkward, that's not a huge deal in my opinion. Just make sure that he or she knows "the group" wants and will welcome them back whenever they feel comfortable being there again.
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