Invisible to me

Moving through the parking lot, up the stairs to the food court, I rapidly made my way between the cars, looking for oncoming traffic but not interested in meeting the other people going to Costco.

We have become accustomed to looking past those in our physical proximity when we are on the streets, people who could be could our neighbors, avoiding making eye contact. We are aware of their presence and yet we ignore it. Wouldn't some sort of acknowledgment of their presence be a part of being civil? I was conscious of this at Costco yesterday because of the crowds there. It was a Saturday afternoon, and a lot of people shop at Costco on the weekends. Finding a parking space was not easy; the space I used was at the other end of the lot, near Sweet Tomatoes. I exited the car and I wanted to get in line quickly, so I could find a seat after I received my food. Thinking about it now... at school if I have to move place to place, I usually will say hi to those whom I know. If I don't have time to though, it doesn't bother me too much if I don't take the time to do so.

But it felt different at Costco yesterday, probably because I was trying to avoid people as much as possible. Nonetheless, isn't it normal for us who live in the suburbs or a megapolis to be about our business and to avoid those who are around us? Anonymous living. I don't think this sort of culture is limited to American megapoleis; you can witness and experience it in large cities around the world: Hong Kong, Tokyo, London, Paris, Rome. Even in those European cities which we might consider as being more humane (the classical architecture, the pedestrian-friendly streets, the street markets, and so on) there seems to be some element of anonymous living. How many European cities still have vibrant and stable neighborhood communities (the vicus of On Kingship)?

Has anyone coined a fancy name for this alienation from others and alienation from the self (as one is consumed by fleeting pleasures)? Social atomism doesn't seem to go far enough. Can it really be termed "bourgeois" ennui? The ennui of those who live off of cheap energy and without many strong friendships. We are preoccupied but think ourselves "busy" - busy with "work," which for many of us is labor without meaning but is for the sake of promoting consumption by others; busy with our forms of "entertainment," the passive consumption of products from media companies.

Kirkpatrick Sale in The Human Scale talks about the natural limit to the number of people with whom we can become familiar. I don't remember the exact number, but it is rather small. This number is used by some as the upper limit of an immediate political community. When you are surrounded by strangers, how much politeness is necessary? Should one greet only those with whom one is acquainted? In a megapolis, how can you greet everyone you meet on the street? The environment and the culture enforces anonymous living; you can't really go against that without appearing abnormal, and it may be impracticable to do so.

Still, at the very least if you make eye contact, then you should also smile. Is that too much to ask? Too "nice" or beta? Without solidarity should we not be surprised that the trust level between people is low? I still think that if someone stares at me without a smile or greeting, then they are being unfriendly, if not hostile or belligerent. Even if this is not their intention... Staring is considered rude, at least in our culture. What is the difference between a long look and a stare? Does it matter, if it is terminated without a smile? I usually ignore the stare, but sometimes I will return a glare if I am sufficiently agitated. I may have to do that more often, although the better thing to do would be to greet that person. How many of them would be shamed by this response?

This afternoon I was at Whole Foods. At the meat counter there were no more numbered tickets in the dispenser. I decided to wait behind a woman who had been standing at the counter when I arrived. When another man came up to the dispenser, she commented that there should be a line since there were no numbers left. The man may have thought she was accusing him of cutting so he defended himself, saying he was just trying to get a ticket. She reassured him that she wasn't criticizing him; did she feel flustered by his reaction? They were both well-intentioned and being nice about it; they didn't intend to be confrontational. This woman after all did let the butcher know that I had been waiting a while too and should be next.

I can't really praise the elderly woman who was pushing her cart through people's space without an "excuse me." It is because of people like her that etiquette is dead.