Carolyn Baker, Men, women, collapse and conflict

On the other hand, women have been enculturated with the notion that disagreement in any form is not nice and that they must accede to and above all, please the other. In many cases, they have disowned their shadow for so long that accessing it is exceedingly difficult. In some situations, they are comfortable with ranting about their conflicts or complaining about them indirectly, but stepping into the fire of the actual conflict and working with it directly is too intimidating because it involves the willingness to risk not being nice—or perhaps incurring what they perceive as the wrath of males.

Enculturation? Or their natural social tendencies misunderstood by themselves? Perhaps it is more accurate to say that being nice is a form of approval-seeking.