Addressing People

One more thing I had wanted to discuss in conjunction with everything else I mentioned in this post: a problem that is quite obvious in California and in major urban areas (such as Boston or NYC) -- the loss of politesse regarding how we greet and address others. It is normal for people to greet each other without using their names, first or last.

I feel ashamed in admitting that I tend to go along with this trend at work, despite my ideals. Part of it is due to the fact that I am uncomfortable with addressing people with whom I have just a professional acquaintance by their first name. It has taken me a while to calling the secretary at one school by her first name because not calling her anything seems worse, and I don't do this consistently. I try to address people by their family names and the proper title. (While speaking I will use "Miss" for unmarried women, but when I write a note as a concession to social norms I will use "Ms.") The other part is habit... (not necessarily laziness), as well as the desire not to stand out too much. There is also the problem of failing to properly introduce one's self (which happened when I encountered the student teacher).



It reminds me of something I witnessed at Atlanta airport. A woman asked an airport employee where x was (was it a coffee shop?), and the employee, obviously irate, responded accordingly with, "Good morning. How are you." The woman then repeated the greeting and her question, and the gentleman kindly gave her directions..

The loss of etiquette is a problem, but not noticed -- some might claim there is a sort of a conundrum with respect to this  "epistemological deficit" because to recognize that there is a problem requires that we know what should be the case. The conundrum would then follow: but if we know what should be the case, then we would be executing it, and then there wouldn't be such a problem in the first place. But this paradox requires the assumption that knowledge of what is morally correct necessarily entails practice. It doesn't.

Addressing people by their name, whether first or last, is something I have to consciously work on, so as to undo that ingrained habit. I have to be a good example for the students...

As for the question of formality and whether it should be defended against egalitarianism, liberalism (though liberals are attached to their titles and honors), and feminism, it may be a lost cause in certain parts of the country.

I note that Rhonda Vincent ends her introduction of her band membes with "Please make welcome..." Is this idiom typical in the South? I think Nora Jane Struthers said it once or twice as well.

A Handbook on Southern Manners
The Southern Etiquette Society
Manners and Etiquette in the Antebellum South
Etiquette with Miss Janice
Southern Style
Southern Accents



Had to post a video of Shelby Foote:


Related: Don't Call Me Thomas
By Thomas H. Benton